🚨 Breaking News: The Great Cassette Crackdown Begins! 🚨

A shocking new executive order was signed this morning, and it has 90s music lovers rewinding in terror. Reports confirm that DODE (Department of Obsolete Debt Enforcement) is officially coming after those long-forgotten Columbia House cassette collections. That’s right—if you thought you got away with those 12 tapes for a penny back in the day, think again!

Adding to the chaos, legal experts warn that with the penny being ruled obsolete, this whole operation might be unconstitutional. Will the government finally track down that copy of Smash Mouth’s debut album you never paid for? Is this the end of free rides on the cassette train?

Stay tuned to KSRW-FM for more updates—if they don’t seize our station’s vintage CD collection first!

*Satire for those who need clarification