You’re Never Alone

Last month I took over the football program at Lone Pine High School. I recently asked my team, “Can you love someone and not love what they did?” I try to challenge their thinking as we grow as a team. The answer you usually get when you ask this question is ‘yes’, but is it really? When there is a political or social cost, how many people will still stand with someone when they are at their lowest? The expression I grew up hearing was a friend in need, is a friend indeed. My young mind didn’t fully comprehend the expression when I first started hearing it. My young mind thought it meant a needy friend was a good friend. As I lived a little, my understanding grew. It means that a person who is your friend when you are at your lowest is a true friend. On teams, we rise or fall together. We can’t shine while others are down. Where we are weak, we are all weak. Where we are strong, we are all strong. If someone misses their assignment, gives up a big play, or causes a penalty, how do we respond to that player? A good team will rally around that player and make sure he is empowered to make that play next time.

At work, I ask people how would you like to be treated if you were on the other side of the table? When you do something you’re not particularly proud of. When you slip and make a mistake people can see, and they start to make distance from you. We all want to know two things, 1. That you are not alone and 2. Everything will be okay. The good book reminds us in Isaiah 43:2 that “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” That scripture is usually simplified to, you can walk through the fire and not get burned. The good book does not assure you that it won’t be hot, or that it won’t hurt. It is in this time that you need to know that you are not alone and that things will be okay.

At work, in life and in all relationships, the ability to make people feel like they have your support is essential to success. I often repeat to my staff that, “we are everyone’s principal.” Even the ones who are hard to love. Usually, the event that made people hard to love, had to do with someone making them feel unsupported or disconnected. If people aren’t empowered, they don’t take chances, speak up, bring ideas or try new things. All of which are sources of innovation at work. When people don’t feel supported they tend to take more unplanned days off, less likely to engage with initiatives and are reluctant to give what experts call discretionary effort. Discretionary effort might be recognized as going the extra mile, staying a little later, taking on additional duties and volunteering. If you’re at a place where it’s common for people to exhaust their allocation of days over the course of a year, leave immediately at the end of the day and refuse to take extra duties, you have work to do.

What is the answer? Most psychologists will (gently) tell you to look in the mirror. If you’re a boss at an office where people are reluctant to give at least some of their discretionary effort, you may need to look in the mirror. Even if you believe that you are doing a good job, you may be living in a fool’s paradise. People need to know that someone is there supporting their success. I used to let potential bosses know that I needed them to value my career as much as I did. To that end, I need them to

Communicate – Tell me what I need to know, even if it’s no fun to say or hear. I would rather know than not know. Hearing valuable information is key to making wise decisions.
Collaborate – Lets work together to make decisions based on all of the available information. Do not hold back, you are in your position to represent people, their thoughts and feelings need to be considered even if we go in another direction.
Create (Be Creative) – Let’s not lean on “what we’ve always done”, let’s look for ways to get wins for everyone and be more efficient with our resources. There is always a solution to a prickly problem that most people can live with.

I have coached leaders all over Northern California and I have worked with or observed more than I can count. Usually, a leader’s ship will be sinking, and he won’t even know it. Worse, the people who do know, won’t be compelled to tell him or throw him a lifeline. When I get involved, people on both sides, at first, will be beyond talking to each other. The boss believes that he’s doing a great job but is saddled with unhappy or incompetent employees. The employees believe they have a boss who talks but does not listen to them. So, they watch each other, waiting for the other to fail. This usually happens until so much damage piles up that the boss moves (or is moved) on. The solution is just to put people first. Communicate, Collaborate and Create. Working together a team really can dig their way out of this.

You can love someone and not love something they’ve done if your focus is on the goal. The goal has to be more important than their personal obstacles. Having a successful team is more important than the last slight, mistake or frustrating quirk. 1 Peter 4:8 reminds us that love covers a multitude of sins, encouraging us to lead with something bigger than any of the problems we face. It makes overlooking mistakes easier. It gives you the courage to speak up and say what isn’t fun to say or hear. It guides you to do things that are good for one another and the organization. We didn’t come to Lone Pine USD to get rich or famous. We came here to educate kids and deliver a world class experience academically, athletically and socially. To do this, we work together with that goal in mind. Watching it happen each day is the joy of my career. You should consider joining our team.